New Year, New(ish) Me? Hopeless Resignation vs. Hustle Porn & Why I’m Not Starting the Year with a Resolutions Post
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Y’all remember that old Montgomery Gentry song, “Some People Change”…? I didn’t either until my iPhone shuffled to it while I was driving to the airport the other day. I listened to some pretty, pretty good stuff in college, you guys.
Later in the week, I started considering what I would want my 2020 focus to be, and the rest of the world was doing the same. The onslaught of #2020Vision honestly overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t even think about what I wanted from 2020 because I was too busy hiding from everyone’s new X-Ray vision.
The New Years’ resolution memes and Tweets have been in full force. Maybe it’s the new decade (yes, 2020 is a new decade, because that’s how we number things now. No, I don’t care that there wasn’t a Year 0. Saw a comment that knowledge is knowing that 2021 is technically the end of the decade and wisdom is knowing that 2020 is the end of the decade, and well, that’s real.)
Here are some of the standout memes/Tweets:
Resolutions are so stressful to me. They always have been. But everyone wants to improve their lives/selves, right? Which brings me to the great showdown: Hopeless Resignation vs. Hustle Porn.
Hustle Porn is Not Your Friend With Benefits
You all know what I’m talking about. “Gazelle Intense” is hustle porn. Constantly striving. Never resting. Nothing is every good enough. Beat your yesterday’s self every day or else what are you even doing with your life? No wealthy person got that way by sitting around eating bonbons and scrolling on Instagram (well, that’s probably true if that’s all you do). It’s EXHAUSTING.
Seriously, I used to think if I tried hard enough, I’d get myself together and eventually my days would all run like clockwork, smooth and organized and filled with all the daily accomplishments you see in those irritating CEO interviews filled with ungodly levels of efficiency. My brain hurts just thinking about it. Do I wish I could do that? Yep. Will it ever happen? Nope.
Hustle porn leaves little room for appreciating your wins and improvements over time, and it certainly does not ascribe any value to taking naps (ONLY TERRORISTS HATE NAPS). It considers success only in terms of an ever-upward trajectory that makes you forget you were ever remotely close to being mediocre.
Hustle porn is rightly criticized because it creates an environment for people to feel shame, even when they’re actually doing pretty well in life.
Hopeless Resignation Sucks Too
Hopeless Resignation says, “Why even try? No one changes anyway. You’ll be back on your old routine by February 1 at the latest, so don’t waste time making resolutions.” Most people posting these anti-hustle porn posts aren’t MEANING to embody a hopeless attitude, but it sure does come across that way.
I know a lot of these posts are meant to battle the SLEEP IS FOR THE DEAD, WeWork grind attitudes that float around communities (particularly personal finance, debt repayment, and intense professional communities like lawyers and freelancers – yeah, I said it. Freelancers are up there with lawyers in intensity).
I often lament to my therapist about how the natural human state seems to be atrophy. Melting into the couch while watching endless Friends reruns or college football games is wayyyyy more appealing to me on a cellular level than making a salad and going to the gym. Why do all the worthwhile things in life take work? I’ve written about this before.
All of that to say: Human progress (on an individual or collective level) takes focused attention, consistent action, and diligent measurement.
Change is difficult and a lot of people don’t make the effort to become their best selves. Then, decades into their lives, they sit around acting like being a content, successful human (whatever that means to you) is some kind of feat that only superhumans can achieve, and wallow in other peoples’ celebrations and encouragements of their utter mediocrity (or worse).
That is obviously a gross oversimplification, and doesn’t account for the various things in life that can just completely throw you off track for years or forever, but you get the picture.
So don’t fall into the trap of not making any type of resolutions or plans, whether at the beginning of a year or otherwise, because you buy into the idea that “no one actually accomplishes things and you’ll probably fail anyway.” That’s defeatist talk, only makes you feel better for a moment, and doesn’t lead to any meaningful life moments, which frankly does sound hopeless! And that’s not any better than hustling yourself to death.
No need for that negativity in your life! So what can you do?
Hustle But Skip the Porn
Here’s the thing: if you actually *do* want to be more successful than the average person, you’re definitely going to have to organize your life differently than the average person. You’re going to have to hustle in some way. But it doesn’t mean you have to (or should) give up basic things like sleep, time with your family and friends, or giving yourself a break for messing up big, small, or even often.
Newsflash – you’re not going to be perfect. That said, change over time CAN happen, DOES happen, and is a lot less dramatic than either camp would have you think, which is why people who commit to doing something, and actually do it on a regular basis, even imperfectly, actually become better versions of themselves.
It seems like tectonic plates shifting while it’s happening, but when you look back, you’ll see. And people who didn’t commit to small, consistent changes are suddenly confused and angry when your “higher version of yourself” (or whatever) reaches critical mass and the whole world starts to notice that you’re different than you once were.
How do you bridge the gap between meaningful striving and giving yourself so much slack the sails fall off the boat?
Honestly, I don’t know. I’m still working on it. Last year I outlined extremely specific goals, which was fairly stressful to keep up with (I. tried. all. year.) but the list also gave me a good baseline for improvements moving forward. I didn’t hit a lot of my goals. But I hit others! Broad outlines work okay for me and I plan to stick with that on some level (2020 “Goals” post coming soon…)
And another thing, EMBRACE the clean slate freshness of the New Year! Don’t drag it! Just don’t try to become like, an entirely different human. Life IS about seasons and seasons of change are real, meaningful, and useful in informing what you want to keep and what you want to leave behind. Lean into the cleanliness, then mess it up a little bit by living your life, but with a nice plan to keep things cleaner and to clean up more often.
Find What Works for You
Improvement is hit or miss, but don’t let the fear of failing stop you from trying. Figure out what works for you and go with that, even if the experts disagree.
We overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can do in a year.
Automating things works pretty well for me financially. For example, I automated my retirement savings and investments and hit my 2019 savings goal of $75,000 with no effort whatsoever. This probably means I gave myself too much slack. Gonna have to level up this year.
Conversely, if I don’t automate my money, it’s harder for me to accomplish whatever financial goal I’m chasing. For example, I reduced my 401k contributions to pay more to some consumer debt I have, and I have no idea where that extra money went, because I didn’t automate it to my debt. For 2020, I’ve already upped my contribution to the maximum because I’d rather save more and pay debt more slowly than I *theoretically could* rather than save less and also still pay my debt more slowly than I could. Pick your battles, fam.
My post on Self-Care vs. Self-Sabotage also explores the concept of being kind to yourself by taking care of yourself while also saving space for the realities of your life and your humanity. Balance is a good place to start.
Control What You Can & Ignore the Rest
2020 is going to be about looseness for me. Holding loosely to things I can’t control. What firm I work for is up in the air, but my employment isn’t. I could freak out about the unknown, but instead, I will accept that my paychecks are still coming, and the change that happens will happen (and will probably be good, but if not, I’ll deal with it when it comes).
In your personal life, maybe it’s learning to let go of things your family members or acquaintances say about you that aren’t true. Maybe it’s approaching dates with curiosity instead of…whatever manic terror/excitement always grabs hold of me when I think about dating/not dating someone. PS Champ Goes Dating is back on my Instagram highlights so check it out if you want to see how successfully “holding loosely” is going for me ;)
Commit to something(s) bigger than you think you can accomplish, and write down some specific steps you’ll take to get there. Then just do it. I promise it’s better than sleepless nights working or endless nights loafing.
^ JK, JK :)
What are y’all working on this year? Do you feel the tension between these two concepts as much as I do? Share in the comments!
